Creativity Letdown

Lucy, from the Peanuts Gang, used to talk about a happiness letdown. It’s that time after something you’ve looked forward to (and enjoyed) has come and gone. You can’t sustain the frenzied feelings of the event that’s passed, so you feel kind of blah suddenly. Not really depressed, just not as jazzed as you thought you’d be. Well, I’m feeling a creative letdown. I’ve been participating in creative activities most of the day. I spent the afternoon with a local painting group and I got a lot of good work done. Then I came home and continued to paint — I’ve got four canvases ready for the next step and the bottom layer of canvas bracelets (a la Alisa Burke) painted. Even though there is paint all over my hands, a bit on my arms, and even a smudge on my face I don’t feel satisfied. Oh, I’m pleased with what I’ve produced today, but I’m not internally satisfied.

Usually when I spend hours being creative, my soul is glowing. Creative time — whether I’m painting, cutting and pasting, or writing — fulfills me in a way that nothing else does. Usually. But today I’m feeling a bit empty. Actually, it felt like work. It never feels like work. At least, not until the past couple of months.

I’ve been feeling this way pretty often since my mother died. My mom had no real ties to my artistic life. In fact, I made a painting specifically for my mom a couple of years ago, and she never hung it. When we started going through Mother’s things, we found it in my dad’s closet. Dad made his transition a few years ago, so I have no idea how often that closet was even opened! She was a big supporter of my crafting when I was a young woman, but I don’t think she really got my art, or that I considered myself an artist. She never asked about what I was creating or what I was working on.

After my dad passed away, I immersed myself in my art. I spent hours collaging and painting. It was respite for me, a way to escape my grief. I grew significantly as a creative soul in the months after my dad made his transition. With my mother’s passing, it’s different in a way that I didn’t expect. Because my mom wasn’t tied to my creativity in any way, I expected it to be an escape again. But it’s not. I know that I’m taking her death hard, but I had no idea until I sat down to think about this, just how hard I was taking it. It’s not just that I’ve lost my Mojo; it feels like my mother took it with her.

5 Responses to Creativity Letdown
  1. Kimber
    August 17, 2010 | 3:12 AM

    Ah Cindy, hang in there. You are dealing exactly as you should, feeling what you feel, expressing it here, and giving it thought. I don’t think time heals all wounds but it does make the getting on with things easier to deal with. Try doing some creativity that doesn’t have a goal – like play around with new background paper techniques, or new art toys – you don’t have to complete anything, just try things out. Sometimes that helps me get more fun out of art when my mojo needs a boost. Whatever you do, go easy on your self. What you are going through is alot to deal with! Hugs to you!

  2. Candy from Candied Fabrics
    August 19, 2010 | 12:47 PM

    Cindy, it seems like you’ve been able to pinpoint what’s going on…and if you ask me, that’s half the battle. But it is a battle! Hang in there girl!

  3. Another Delay | Mixed Grill Favorites
    August 20, 2010 | 3:30 AM

    […] getting ready for three craft/art show fairs that take place within five weeks of each and I’ve lost my mojo! Doing anything creative is a real struggle right now. I’m assuming that this has partly to […]

  4. visit the website
    October 12, 2015 | 8:03 PM

    I simply want to say I am very new to blogs and actually loved you’re web site. Very likely I’m want to bookmark your blog post . You really come with amazing writings. Appreciate it for sharing with us your blog.

  5. read content
    October 14, 2015 | 8:25 PM

    I simply want to say I am just new to blogging and site-building and certainly liked you’re blog site. Very likely I’m likely to bookmark your website . You amazingly have excellent posts. Many thanks for sharing your webpage.